Is Pesto Woke?

A list of woke foods compiled by the New Zealand-based website The Spinoff states that pesto is considered woke, along with any cheese other than Cheddar, any crisps other than salt and vinegar, and any beans other than those from a tin.

Steak, doughnuts, and chips are among the least woke foods on the planet, according to The Spinoff, a New Zealand-based website covering popular culture, society, and politics.

They compiled a definitive list of woke foods in response to the outspoken politician David Seymour's pledge to knock $107 million off the school lunch budget, mainly by no longer serving any foods he considers woke, such as quinoa, hummus, and sushi.

While Seymour didn't single out pesto specifically, we had a hunch that it would make The Spinoff's list. Its inclusion means it joins the likes of avocado, couscous, and oat milk as foods that should never pass the lips of any self-respecting, lager-swilling, Pukka Pie-eating gammon, at least unless they don't want to be called "sissy" by their florid-faced Wetherspoon acquaintances.

However, there is a way to eat pesto without falling foul of the laws of wokeness. Providing you eat it "wrapped in at least two kinds of meat," you can enjoy it without the risk of ritual humiliation.

We're not quite sure how some of the least woke places on earth get away with selling pesto, but Greggs, Asda, and McDonalds somehow get a free pass.

The world's gone mad.